The Succubus Does Milan. It’s like Debbie Does Dallas, but whorier. And in Italian. Skanky Italian, not cool Mafia Italian.
Apparently George Clooney took the WHORE to Milan for a fashion show this week and the paparazzi took a bunch of photos. The skanky succubus must have made a special deal with Satan so her image would actually show up on film without her horns and tail and scales. (But I still see them, oh, yes I do.) Everyone felt the need to email me the news and pictures and attach a note saying “I thought you’d like these” and then end the sentence with a smiley face instead of a period to show their smirky smirk. I know you all have been waiting for a reaction and I don’t want to disappoint anyone so I decided to do a re-enactment of the first time I saw them.
That’s me at home, happy as a lark surfing the web. La La La. Hi Mr. T-Rex! Rawrr! Oh you so silly, Mr. T-Rex. La La La.
Awww. Look! A widdle kitten! Wait. I have email from a reader! Cool, let me click it and see if they’re telling me how awesome I am. La La La.
WHAT HELL IS THIS?
Gawd, she’s so nasty. Let me close this shit. Wait, here’s another email from a reader. I need cheering up after looking at that skank-face. Lemme just see…
What? I have five more emails from readers?
Those sonsabitches.33 Comments
33 Responses to The Succubus Does Milan. It’s like Debbie Does Dallas, but whorier. And in Italian. Skanky Italian, not cool Mafia Italian.
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I think you are prettier than she is. This is the first time I have seen his girlfriend (whore). I expected better.
George couldn’t do better than you!
Have a great day.
*** OH MY GOD! You’re my new best friend! ~Laura
I am sorry for your pain and as one of your “sucking up” readers” I can proudly say I Did Not send you a picture of the spawn of Satan sucking the life out of your Boo.
You have a nice office.
*** Well, I tidied up first, usually it’s just a mess. And a big ol’ LOL @ “sucking up readers”! I prefer to call them “readers with taste.” ~Laura
LOL!! I love your drawings and I am sorry I sent you a link to the George and the WHORE in Milan. Yes, I am a sonsabitch! lol
*** You are forgiven. This time. ~Laura
The scariest part is you talking to AND answering for “Mr. T-Rex.”
*** I thought that was the most normal part. ~Laura
I thought the scariest part was the LOLCAT.
*** HAHA! ~Laura
He will never marry her… or anybody else for that matter. but I know if he met you he would change his mind on marriage. no doubt.
I love love love the kitty.
*** I think you are right. HAHAHA! We must both be on cold medicine. ~Laura
Actually my meds are a little bit stronger than “cold” but I am willing to share. HA!
*** Ha! I’m delusional enough. ~Laura
I’m proud to confess that I sent you those pictures.
It was part of my cunning plan to make you forget about your thumb.
No need to thank me.
*** Then I won’t. Ha! But thank you for making me forget about my thumb. ~Laura
Any chick that has a T-Rex on her desk is alright in my book.
*** Dude, everyone should have a T-Rex on their desk. ~Laura
Ok, now I’m no looker, but I have studied bone structure as part of my anthropological studies, and I can tell you, her jaw is totally wrong, her zygomatic arches are too high, and her eyes are set far apart. That’s the anthropologist in me.
The bitch in me thinks she is trying waaaay too hard to have red-like highlights in her hair, and has a botched hair job. This proves without a shadow of a doubt that she is trying to look like YOU.
Not only a WHORE, but a cheesy immitating WHORE.
*** You are my new best friend too! ~Laura
As a loyal sonsabitch, just want to say that she is smokin’ hot and I’d do her in a heartbeat.
And when I say “do her”, I mean shot to the back of the head
*** Now you’re not a sonsabitch. ~Laura
Puts the “suck” in “succubus,” does she?
George, my man, what do you see in her? Look what you’re missing in 292xx.
*** I know, right? ~Laura
Unless I’m wrong(and that hardly ever happens), the succubus seems to be ageing more rapidly these days. Perhaps her deal with Satan didn’t include the words “eternal beauty” in them – gotta read that fine print when you go a makin deals wit the devil!
Now George on the other hand must still be taking those Dick Clark pills, cause he still looks OK – and this is coming from a hetero man, secure in his hetero-nous.
Just in case you wondered, the dog got a visit to the vet and we put him down.
Just kidding – we put him down ourselves.
Just kidding again, he did go to the vet, and got shots and a bath and a walk yesterday – and no pacing last night- YAY – first decent nights sleep in days.
*** Okay, don’t do that. I was all “WTF? Down? OMG” I’m one of those weird kind of people that adore animals like most women love babies. Now, the other- YES she is aging badly. Hopefully he will dump her soon. Of course the years have beat the shit out of me, but ya know, I didn’t make a deal with Satan but I may have to look into a prayer list for a face lift. Maybe some lipo. Okay, a lot of lipo. ~Laura
She is looking old.That WHORE!
*** YEAH! ~Laura
When’s the cartoon book? Yeah, I’m thinking that you have ALL what she wishes she had. She’s just jealous and trying to rub it in your face. Send T-Rex to clean up the mess.
*** YEAH! I bet T-Rex wouldn’t touch her skankiness! Yeah! ~Laura
She almost looks crosseyed!
*** Yes she does. ~Laura
Fear not the whore of Satan, Laura. Look at that second pic.
See that shadow behind his head–he’s not really there. The whore is standing with a Carny cut-out. He’s ditched her and she can’t handle it.
I bet you speak for T-Rex better than she does her cut-out. Interviews are probably hilarious.
**** OH MY GOD! You are so right! Satan is finally taking away her powers! ~Laura
You should take a gander at this article, and the picture of her therein, if you haven’t already seen it:
*** Ooooo she so nasty. I told ya’ll she was a WHORE!! ~Laura
No, he’s not really dating that man-thing. She’s a cross-dressing bodyguard, made up to look like a woman, to keep all the other skanks from hitting on YOUR man!
(Notice in the pictures, he’s never actually LOOKING at her, just near her)
“She’s” got a Y chromosome hangin’ there, you can see it in her jawline – and that adam’s apple!
No worries, he’s just keepin’ it all safe for you!
*** YEAH!! I like the way you think! You’re my new best friend now too. ~Laura
I’m not a sonsabitch- I didn’t send you the pics even though I saw them that day. But I did fail to ask you about your thumb so I guess I am a sonsabitch. I hope your thumb’s better!
*** You’ve been taken off the sonsabitch list. For now. ~Laura
She’s a hag. Your cartoon self is cuter than her.
*** I have another best friend! ~Laura
Love the title. Mafia Italian is way better than Skank Italian.
*** I think so too.~Laura
She must give good head because she’s not pretty.
*** Well, I give good…wait…what? ! ~Laura
I was puzzled… at first I thought that your cartoon self was a news anchor, and the back of your monitor was actually FACING us, ready to fill with a picture of the subject of your report.
And in other news, George Clooney was seen in Milan with his current whorefriend. We go live to Velociraptor, reporting from the red carpet. Rap?
:::cut to screaming, fleeing models as seen from a camera dropped on its side:::
Back to you, Rex.
**** OH MY GOD!! WHAT A BRILLIANT IDEA!! Seriously! OMG Imagine Velociraptor chasing down those skinny ass models in those damn hideous clothes and be all “OH MY GOD NO MEAT ALL BONE! Rawrr ~Laura
She is a skank, Laura. Don’t worry about that WHORE. He’ll dump her and she’ll go back to being a nothing here in the States.
*** YEAH! ~Laura
Dudette, you rock with your T-Rex and WHORE hatin’.
*** Well, I think I do anyway. ~Laura
The only thing I don’t understand is “WHY”? Why is he scraping the very bottom on the barrel”? He is such a gorgeous man, he could have you! She must be feeding him something to alter his mind.Ya know like in the movie “HUGE”. Yea that’s it..there can be no other reason for him to be dating a MAN/WOMAN! Ewwwwwwwww! She really is gross when you look at her. really gross.
*** YEAH! I am making all kinds of new best friends today. ~Laura
The conversation you have with yourself in the first pic with the t-rex at your desk makes me think of Peewee’s Big Adventure.
*** I love that stupid movie! Jack is Speck. ~Laura
She ain’t all that, I think you can take her.
*** I bet I can too. ~Laura
Hah! Y, R & U cracked me the hell up!
*** I like it. ~Laura
I’m sensing a trend in recent posts. If I had to guess, I’d say we’re less than a dozen posts away from a Chili Con Commenter recipe. Normally, the surviving readers would say stuff like “Oh, she was so nice and kept to herself. This is *such* a surprise to us!” Fact is, in this case, I don’t think that’s gonna be the common theme afterward. Your site banner’s tagline aside, I can’t *wait* to see them put together a jury of your peers….man, the OJ trial is gonna look tame by comparison.
*** HAHA! I’m too lazy to be a real stalker or track down anyone, unless they have bacon. ~Laura
She’s a MAN, baby! Her jaw is giving George’s a run for his money. Whoa, wait a minute: She’s almost looks like HIM!!
*** WHOA…ewww. ~Laura
*** I know! WAAAAA! ~Laura