Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura
It all started with Sheri Gilmour’s blob and from that, Stick Science was born. Then Cbullitt at Soylent Green started spreading the Stick Science word. Soon after, the deputizing of Deputy Junior Science Assistants began.
Then the applications started coming in.
1. This was the first entry emailed to me by MorningGlory:
MorningGlory was mowing her yard, saw it, jumped off the lawn tractor and snapped a photo. She concluded that this was the work of parasitic brain-eating flies that had been released in Texas. I like that she did her research, but she didn’t poke it with a stick! Right now I am prone to think that Ms. MorningGlory is an archeologist with scientifical tendencies. I am still deputizing her as a Deputy Junior Scientist Assistant. But always remember to poke things with a stick, Ms. MorningGlory!
2. Next is Yabu’s entry of Bad Bad Juju fame:
He said it grew overnight and deduced that it’s some form of body snatching alien life force. Please note that his trusty dachshund Stretch “Cornbread” was on the scene, much like Jack. Man, there’s something in those Germans that just love science. This was an excellent entry with measuremments even! I am deputizing both Yabu and Stretch “Cornbread” as Deputy Junior Scientist Assistants.
3. Next we have an entry from Mel at Big Fat Nerve:
You know what I love about Mel’s entry? Mel not only poked it with a stick, but she made her husband touch it. Mel, I not only deputize you as a Deputy Junior Scientist Assistant, but you get a big ole’ Atta Girl! for enlisting your spouse as a possible human sacrifice.
4. This was emailed to me by Burgess in California:
Burgess wanted to warn me that the Weirdus Yardo Alienus Withsum Tentaclesi Thingie had made its way to California and apparently brought their pink super bounce ball with them. Burgess did not poke them with a stick because ice cream had just been purchased and it was melting. I am still deputizing Burgess as a Deputy Junior Science Assistant for having priorities. Nothing trumps ice cream, not even science.
I know you all are now asking yourselves “Self, what do I get for being a Deputy Junior Science Assistant?” Well, you not only get the warm fuzzy feeling of helping all of mankind with your scientifical science, but as a deputy, you now have fees. That’s right. It’s like a union. I’ll be emailing out your first membership fees in the morning. Don’t worry, I take Paypal. Good job, Deputies. Good job.
P.S. Here’s a late entry emailed to me from Jean:
She thought it was her dog Clarence’s work at first:
But then remembered she had had her yard aerated. Jean, you almost lost your deputizing for blaming the dog, but who hasn’t at one time or another? It also appeared your dog was plenty mad at you and will probably make you pay later and I need more dues paid myself, so I am deputizing you as a Deputy Junior Science Assistant. Your invoice should be arriving soon.
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17 Responses to Being a Science Sheriff means I’m like a real sheriff and I can deputize Junior Science Assistants and shoot people who break any laws of science or if they just annoy me. FACT.
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So it was all a plot to make a profit. Well played, Laura, well played.
*** I did my best, Joe. ~Laura
LMAO! How much are the fees? lol
***Thousands and thousands. It’s all in the name of science though. And of course, made payable to me. ~Laura
All very great finds. I looked for stuff in my yard and at my office but found nothing stick worthy
Perhaps you will have another day devoted to science meanwhile my search continues.
*** You can still send in your dues and I’ll deputize you anyway.l ~Laura
You are to be commended, as well, for opening up the scientific process to a peer-review professionalism not normally seen in Science. Well, not in climate science, anyway.
Oh, and http://www.foundshit.com/sink-hole-car-recovery/ Stick science is everywhere.
*** Thanks you. It is a true science don’t ya know. ~Laura
Wow, I’m honored and humbled. I always wanted to be a professional scientifical person. I’ll be adding ‘Deputy Junior Science Assistant to my resume forthwith! Thanks Laura!
*** You are welcome…and don’t forget your dues. lol ~Laura
Apparently lots of people find weird shit in their yards and all this time NO ONE had been talking about it. I’m glad I’ve broken the taboo and that all of you are now coming forward, out of the shadows, with your stories. Laura and I have found a deal on a whole block of padded cells for our annual stick scientist convention. There’ll be so much to discuss! Register early.
**** LMAO! Don’t forget the registration fees!! ~Laura
Stretch and I will serve with honor, but Renegade Traitor already got the due money…can we still play on the team?
*** Certainly. I will bill your account, on account the government got all your money. ~Laura
Do the deputies get to shoot annoying people too? And if so, can I be a deputy without a blob?
*** Yes. There’s a fee though. ~Laura
That there is some GREAT science, people! Too bad I was so busy this week. Maybe I can head out to the woods this weekend and find something in the wild. I have always idolized Marlin Perkins, so I just need someone to play the part of sidekick Jim who did all of the alligator wrestling and rhino roping and stuff.
***You should never be too busy for science. ~Laura
Your minions need more scientification, Laura. There’s a distinct lack of stick work here. I, for one, am shocked at this clear violation of protocol.
More Sticks = Less Blobs!
*** Yes, a few of them did not apply Stick Science. My work of educating the public will never end! ~Laura
I was busy this week but I plan to venture out back this weekend to find my own blob of what ever. I cant wait. If you dont hear from me by Monday please send search and rescue. Thanks!
**** Take your cell phone! ~Laura
WOOOHOOO! I’m a Deputy Junior Scientist Assistant! What a great way to start my weekend.
*** And I love the badge you made! It made me lol. ~Laura
and I would just like to mention that if Jean ever needs a baby sitter for Clarence, I would be glad to volunteer. He is so precious.
I have scientifical science stuff I need to email you. I just ain’t had time. Can I be late in submissions? Will Iget a bad grade for lateness? Tomorrow? Can I be a deputy in waiting?
*** You can send it when you get it….. your fees may increase is all. ~Laura
I am so very excited to be deputized… But I must study and learn the way of the stick… Bad scientifical investigational methodicus… See? I sound smarter already!
p.s. Doni, do not be fooled. Clarence may look cute, but he is quite diabolical… Thus, my near miss on the deputization due to temporarily considering the dog to be the culprit…
I had all these plans to send in a photo – but now I know that I have to pay dues and shit, well then, just stand in line behind all the other bill collectors, missy!
In keeping with my position as a DJSA, I’d like to call your attention to http://baboonpirates.blogspot.com/2010/06/wtf-is-that.html. My blog-friend El Capitan found it lying on the sidewalk and dubbed it a ‘some kind of horrible poisonous frogamander mutation’. I suggested he poke it with a stick, but I think he may need an expert such as yourself to intervene.
** Ahh.. I see they said it was a plastic toy. Thank God- it was freaky. ~Laura