Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura
I found another Weirdus Yardo Alienus Withsum Tentaclesi Thingie today.
My science kicked in and I poked it with a stick, then placed it on a paper towel for further study.
Being the scientifical scientist that I am, I needed to get to the bottom of this once and for all. Was it Satan sent or Alien in origin? Since I know religion so well I’m practically the Pope, I decided to test the thingie first to see if it was demonic, so I placed it in my Exorcism Action Figure Prayer Semi-Circle and waited for a reaction. This time I wanted really, really strong Bible Magic so I added a voodoo doll and a sacred cow.
Reaction: No flames, smoke or projectile split-pea soup observed. No ceiling/wall crawling or other unholy reactive motions observed. No otherworldy reverb accompanied by satanic orchestra and/or Lucifer’s boys choir observed. Subject appears docile when directly spiritually challenged.
Diagnosis: Benign spiritual entity but probably alien in origin. Contact Stephen Hawking and ask him for advice on how to proceed since I have not yet attempted direct communications with it but have allowed it in my home and it may have felt threatened by my Exorcism Action Figure Prayer Semi-Circle and/or Jack. Oh shit. Or being poked with a stick.
Action: Detain for futher study. Provide comfy chair, a cold beer, and the tv remote. Prevent Jack from provoking any intergalactic incident by annoying the visitor/pod any further.
OH FUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!!
P.S. It’s Stick Science Expo Week. So post a stick science entry on your blog and let me know, or email me your science find. Or not.
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25 Responses to I think when we’re all encased in gooey alien cocoons and our bodies serve as incubators for alien babies, you all should know who to blame.
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OH NO!!!!! Jack will cause the alien invasion!!!
I love your scientifical study! lol
But did it get to finish it’s beer?
** Ha! Yes. ~Laura
This is the second time I have seen this disgusting thing. I need more facts:
1. is it squishy?
2. does it smell?
3. will it move on its own?
4. Did the blood of Christ compel it?
I am going to find something to poke with a stick this week. I think I can be that brave. I do not plan to bring it in my home.
*** Not squishy. Smells like woods. I have not seen it move. The Blood of Christ did not compel it. Jack, however, chewed it. Be brave, my friend and carry a big stick. ~ Laura
Yeah…I need to get out and find something to get all sciencey with. Unfortunately, 90% of the blobby things in and around my house are readily identifiable as cat yak.
*** Oh I have that too. ~Laura
Oh, I know what that thing is. It’s fried calamari. We had some just the other night. Not quite as red as yours, but tentacled and crispy. You should gather all those up and make J a nice appetizer with a zesty dipping sauce.
** It’s like you read my mind. ~Laura
Jack = Destroyer of the World.
**Indeed. ~Laura
Hi. I’m back. It’s like the internet is dead today, isn’t it? At least, my entire quadrant is dead. Everyone has poked things with sticks. Well, that’s that, then.
*** I noticed that! It started yesterday. It’s like they saw everything on Monday and said “To hell with it, I’m set for a bit.” I wonder what’s that about? Spring maybe? Important picnics and badminton tournaments? They finally got tired of us running shit into the ground? Damn. ~Laura
Hey, Jack, as long as you are Destroyer Of Worlds, could I ask you a favor? Start with my office fist, m’kay? I promise you all the treats you want. (Or I do have an overabundance of cat poop, if you prefer that sort of thing.)
*** Oh lawd! Not the cat poop! That’s his fave. ~Laura
Yeah well if they’re tired of us running shit into the ground, they better hang on because we can do more. They don’t get as tired of you running your shit into the ground as they do when I do it, I’ve noticed. I like talking about them in third person like they can’t see me because, well, really, they can’t, right?
**** LOL! You crazy, Gurl. I bet they just keep checking on us expecting us to, I don’t know, not be here because we got institutionlized or arrested or something. ~Laura
Now if Jack grows a second head and starts reciting the Areopagitica, we’ve got a problem.
*** Then he’ll go live at your house. He’d want it that way. ~Laura
To prove what a complete and obsessed sick individual I am who would rather do this than my job what you have there is Cedar Apple Rust:
http://images.google.com/images?um=1&hl=en&tbs=isch:1&q=cedar+apple+rust&sa=N&start=36&ndsp=18
possibly, I would have to poke it with a stick first.
*** OMG you are a Google Scientist! For reals. ~Laura
I have nothing around here to poke with a stick now that a certain Senator has left this world. But I’ll have a look and see if I can find anything else worthy of poking.
As for Jack – I think he’s been sent to protect the world from aliens. He needs a super hero suit.
*** Ooooo I must find him a Super Hero outfit! ~Laura
Thank God. Perhaps now she will stop sacrificing good beer to that thing.
*** Hush and eat your calamari. ~Laura
Jack is my hero. Has he been watching Independence Day or Armagedon?
** He mostly watches American Idol. He likes Simon. ~Laura
Yes! jack is trying to save us! Go Jack!!!
You inspired me. Done.
I still say tribble egg…
Biogeek in: dried-up sea anemone. If you hear a little voice inside asking, “Have you seen my dad??!”, direct immediately to the nearest willing seagull for transport.
Biology girl, out!
*** And I know where to find a seagull too. They flock in the grocery store parking lots. Weird. ~ Laura
and @ 5 Guys….
**** What’s at 5 Guys? Are you drunk commeting again? ~Laura
SEAGULLS!!! Honest to goodness french fry eating SEAGULLS!!!!! you were there, yes?
*** Yes. And those were pigeons. Regular city pigeons, not sea pigeons. Were you there, yes? lol ~Laura
and I was not “Drunk” commenting before, I was drug induced commenting. There is a huge difference.
*** LOL! ~Laura
I know this is off topic, but it’s Breaking News!: “Laguna Beach Hires 300 Goats.” I thought you might need to know. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/36828582/ns/local_news-los_angeles_ca/
*** Thanks! I did need to know. I love keeping up with the latest goat news. ~Laura
oh!…..drugs…I hate em!
** I shall take them off your hands as any good friend would. LOL! ~Laura
I don’t know, Laura. As an official under-assistant science minion, I believe poking with a stick qualifies as “direct communication.” Of course, certainly Jack’s method was more direct still.
If another alien shows up in the yard, just bathe it in hydrogen gas–aliens like hydrogen, it’s everywhere. If it doesn’t light up a spliff, you can safely assume Prof. Hawking is incorrect.
*** If they attack, we’ll just get an army of weiner dogs to take care of them. Jack did a good job with that one. ~Laura
If I’m not mistaken, that looks like what I pooped out last night. Sorry, was that YOUR yard? Oops!