Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives

— Laura

It’s not a tumah

By Laura On March 31, 2010 · 22 Comments

Monday night I had a migraine. I have a migraine about once or twice a year. Which, if you have to have migraines, isn’t that bad I suppose. This one was one of those nasty migraines where light hurts your eyes, sound hurts your ears, and you feel like you’re going to puke but know if you do your head will explode like a watermelon at a Gallagher Show. The only thing to do is lie there with a cool, wet washcloth over your face, moaning softly and praying the pain will be over soon one way or another. The last time I had one, in November, I got a shot of Demerol from my doctor. Later at home my heart did a skippy jump and sprained itself (!!) and I ended up in the hospital hooked up to shit and getting all kinds of heart tests and scans. I didn’t go for my Demerol shot this time because the doctors said it could happen again because my heart goes all wacky because I died once years ago. YES. I died in surgery all dramatical and the surgeons brought me back with paddles and shit (CLEAR!) like you see in those medical dramas, except none of my doctors were torn with the ethical dilemma of falling in love with me, their patient, which was okay because they were old and none of them were hot and I was all cranky on the morphine. They really pissed me off bringing me back from the other side too because now I have to live in a world where George Clooney shacks up with WHORES and I can’t have a baby pygmy goat. Fuckers.

Now here’s a picture of Shrimp Linguine I made.

Here’s the ingredients.

Traxler did not lick the shrimp.

22 Comments

22 Responses to It’s not a tumah

Doni says:

March 31, 2010 at 4:58 am

WOW! Nice Shrimp. Sometimes I wish I had a scratch and sniff screen or a lick and taste screen would be great! Im glad your headache is gone…

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Jennifer says:

March 31, 2010 at 5:23 am

I had a migraine a few times. HORRIBLE! It makes you feel like you’re going to die! I’m glad you’re better! And I am glad Traxler didn’t lick the shrimp. lol

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mary beth says:

March 31, 2010 at 5:37 am

“CLEAR!” cracked me up.
I’m glad you’re over your migraine. They suck. That shrinp on the other hand looks yummy.

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dogette says:

March 31, 2010 at 6:06 am

Those heat-stroke headaches I get are a bit similar to the migraine, then, because I have all those symptoms you mentioned but NOT the puke thing. I usually eat me a bite o’ bread and lie down in the dark and take Tylenol. Tylenol is the strongest thing I do and I tell myself it’s working but everyone knows it doesn’t do shit. Sometimes I jot down notes on my nightstand notepad. “Market. Pick up cleaning. Bank.” I didn’t say they were interesting notes.
As always your food pictures are so good. I hate to be a J and give career advice but you should be my personal chef. I can’t pay you a cent, by the way, and you will be expected to share space with a large snoring Labrador. Tempting, isn’t it? Take your time.
*** I will have to think about it. ~Laura

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Joe the Blog Stalker says:

March 31, 2010 at 6:06 am

I always call it a successful meal if the cat hadn’t licked it. I bet J does too.
*** Yes, I bet he does too. ~Laura

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LikeIdusearealname says:

March 31, 2010 at 6:41 am

are you sure you didn’t over-cook the shrimp? I’m not judging…just observing. Could be that fucking camera.
**** Oh hell noes. Don’t be questioning my cooking! ~Laura

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LeeAnn says:

March 31, 2010 at 6:51 am

I was all “oh, poor Laura, poor thing with her bad head!” until you pulled out the shrimp pics.
Bitch.
*** Ha! ~Laura

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Larry says:

March 31, 2010 at 7:05 am

The thing about migraines is first you are afraid you will die of it, then you are afraid you won’t. Glad that you are better.
*** Thanks, Larry. ~Laura

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Teresa says:

March 31, 2010 at 10:24 am

Demerol doesn’t do jack for migraines. Nothing at all. Doesn’t take away the pain – just makes you kinda not care that it’s there. Then you feel wonky for ages after the headache is gone. Bah. Bad stuff for a migraine. Worse when it tries to kill you!
There are migraine meds that are injectible that work very well. Imitrex is the most well known. I’ve had it, it works in 5 minutes although you’ll need someone else to drive you to the doctor. How do I know? I used to get 2-3 migraines a week. Spent several years living on headache meds that did nothing at all except keep the migraines at bay for most of the week.
I don’t really like shrimp – which is a good thing because it’s a good pic and if I liked it, I might come down there and try to eat it all. So this leaves more for you. heh.

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Dave Merriman says:

March 31, 2010 at 11:14 am

I’m glad the (CLEAR!) doctors brought you back (CLEAR!), even if you aren’t (CLEAR!). If you were cranky on the morphine, they weren’t giving you enough of it – I know, from experience.
How many shrimp did you have to use to distract Traxler from licking the rest?
*** The thing is, he only licked the cupcakes because I was snoozing and he’s a sneak. He doesn’t even like sweet stuff but he thought he’d be an asshole. Cats like being assholes. ~Laura

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linlah says:

March 31, 2010 at 11:30 am

Migraines suck but the shrimp looks good and bonus not licked by Traxler.
*** I know, right! J was happy about the last part. ~Laura

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Jan says:

March 31, 2010 at 11:52 am

Sounds like a doozy of a headache. I used to get those, but have slacked off to about a mild one every other month or so now. I went in one time and had the ergotamine shot. They give you an anti-nausea shot first and everything worked fine, so all was good and pain-free. The next time I tried it, the anti-nausea stuff didn’t work and the ergotamine made me puke even more than I already had, only there wasn’t anything in my stomach anymore so it was dry heaves which made my throat hurt only I didn’t notice that part until later because it also gave me a second migraine on top of the first with a complete re-run of the whole spots in front of my eyes thing with yet more puking and intensified the pain until it would have been a hell of a lot kinder if they had all just started stabbing my head with ice picks. Plus I get that leg twitchy shit, so I was twitching massively through the whole thing and couldn’t lie still. Then the fuckers were all “no you can’t leave because the anti-nausea stuff is making you sooo sleeeeeepy.” No it isn’t, you sick fucks, it’s had the opposite effect in case you tards hadn’t noticed. I want to go home and die in my own bed, thankyouveryfuckingmuch.
So now I just suffer through them because I’m all noble and shit like that.
Anyway, I’m glad your head feels better.
*** Thank you. Yes, I will suffer through them myself because of my heart “sprain” that cost me thousands of thousands to tell me “oh you had a heart booboo and it bruised the sack/nerves around it.” Ummm, I’l take my chances with just my head exploding. ~Laura

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D.W. says:

March 31, 2010 at 12:00 pm

I loves me some shrimp, but hates me some migraines…
In my 20′s I used to get them all the time, but thankfully as I’ve gotten older I don’t get them as often. It’s probably because the part of my brain that they used to affect has already kicked the bucket…
Where was I? Damned memory…
Oh…For my money, there’s nothing more effective against migraines than 800mg Motrin. That’s good stuff right there.
*** I have found Excedrin is the most effective over the counter med for them. but sometimes it just doesn’t cut it. ~laura

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Patty says:

March 31, 2010 at 12:27 pm

I just want to tell you that I love the way your mind rants and goes off in different directions constantly like a crazy lady. Cracks me up.
***Umm. Thanks. I think. ~Laura

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Headless Guy says:

March 31, 2010 at 12:30 pm

Did it ever occur to you that maybe the doctors didn’t bring you back? That you have been damned to an eternal hell of mindless blogging to an audience of likewise condemned criminals and miscreants. Nothing to look forward to… nothing to live for. A dog and a cat who mock your very existence. A boyfriend so mentally challenged that his name has to be reduced to a single letter. A diet limited to nothing more than pictures of the food you so badly crave. An endless stream of empty, meaningless days in a brimstone covered dungeon. Forever denied the warm caress of an aging gay movie star and a flea infested bovine runt. Shackled, bound and gagged in a universe where not only is Rex no longer king, but he is reduced to singing for his supper on PBS. Yes, you are in Hell. Might be South Carolina, though…
Try magnesium supplements. They work. FACT!
***Yes. But not because of those things. But because of where I live, what I do, and who I am. ~Laura

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Yabu (EOTIS) says:

March 31, 2010 at 2:37 pm

You ain’t had shrimp, unless it’s been licked by a cat.
Just sayin!

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Jim - PRS says:

March 31, 2010 at 4:17 pm

I always thought it would be cool if when the doctor puts the paddles on a person’s chest, he’d yell, “Beer!”
I think I need paddles on my cruller.

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Doni says:

March 31, 2010 at 7:56 pm

Damn…. Headless guy has a very good point there….that’s actually kind of scary…mmmmm

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Kim says:

March 31, 2010 at 8:23 pm

Weirdly, I get what I call cluster headaches. Very similar to migraines but without the aura and nausea. I forgot to tell that to the brain doc. But, my brain muffin doesn’t give me migraines.So that’s encouraging for you.
Your shrimp looks marvelous. Try cold and heat alternating for the head.Or beat the head on the floor.

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Cinny says:

April 1, 2010 at 5:21 am

Migraines suck! I take tylenol and drink a coke for the caffiene.

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SB Smith says:

April 3, 2010 at 1:51 pm

I heard that if you feel a migraine coming on, to drink or eat something cold enough to give you brain freeze. It’s supposed to stop the migraine. I don’t get migraines, but that makes my head hurt just thinking about it.

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Becky says:

April 6, 2010 at 8:35 pm

Well darn, I thought you were gonna make Traxler the royal taste tester after the cupcake incident.

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