Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura
Dogette and I have declared January “Attention Whore Month.” Everyone who blogs knows that traffic slows down in December because people are busy shopping, traveling or wanking to “It’s A Wonderful Life.” By January holidays and holiday specials are over and the weather usually forces people indoors. And when people are forced indoors, they get bored, go online, look at porn and read blogs.
This month we are going to shamelessly promote our blogs, mine, Dogette’s Two Nervous Dogs and our joint venture-Advice Asylum. I am receiving an excellent amount of attention on my Cool Crap Giveaway AND I will be giving away Cool Crap all month. I think this makes me THE WHORE of WHORES. Wait. No. What?
We’re tweaking and remodeling Advice Asylum because it’s relatively new and we haven’t quite found our “voice” there, because as any blogger will tell you, it takes time to settle in. And speaking of settling in, here at Flying Monkeys I know I haven’t written any of my life stories in a while, and I have received some inquiries about this. Apparently some folks like to hear about my crazy ass childhood and other adventures. Some requested tales from my military days, which I’ve never really hit upon. My Army days ROCKED and KICKED ASS by the way. I will try at least once a week to write about a past adventure. I am very busy and important, so all I can do is try. I just hope those emails requesting my stories weren’t from the authorities.
So I want you all to comment like mofos here and at Dogette’s and at the Asylum. Even if it’s just to say “hello.” Enter the Cool Crap Giveaway if you want some cool crap, and everyone with a blog- I want you to become big ole’ whores too in honor of Attention Whore Month. Be sure to bookmark us too. Non-blog owners can become big ole’ whores too and tell everyone about us. Ya’ll can consider me your pimp. Wait. No. What?
P.S. This is all moot if I die tonight in what I am calling “Snow Flurry Apocalypse 2010.” I guess you all could just read my archives after looking at porn.
P.S.S. As part of Attention Whore Month, I will be posting pictures of my pets randomly for attention. Here’s an old one of Thelma dressed as an elephant for Halloween one year. Everyone loves pet pics and I am not above humiliating my pets for attention. As you all already know.
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16 Responses to The end is near because snow flurries will be arriving tonight but instead of buying all the milk and bread I can carry, I am here promoting Attention Whore Month- You’re welcome
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Hello! I am an Attention Whore and I love your sites and my own site, of course.
I (SRSLY) want to hear the military stories too! Especially if any of it involved kicking ass in any way. Verbally, physically, any which way. I hope they had you doing something where you got to thrust a Ka-Bar into some asshole’s guts once in a while, even if it was just for cutting in line in the mess hall. You have a gift for STABBING, as we all know.
I think we need a graphic for Attention Whore Month. Just sayin’. I have a gif of a knife I will email to you. You can’t have too many knife gifs.
I could be mistaken, but I suspect that the look in Thelma’s eyes involves thougts of your impending death.
Bout damn time you put something on that freaking cat and snapped a picture (even if this is an oldie) – Jack the Weiner Dog as channeled by p
still want that cool crap
She is absolutly the sweetest thing I have ever seen. other than Jack of course. but I love the Elephant. that is to cute. and now we know two stab list you are on..
That is one pissed off cat.
Trying to comment, but hard to type with a bag over my head… But I want the cool crap!!!
And love the kitteh!
So, after you snapped that picture of Thelma, how long was it until you got out of intensive care? I mean, that looks like one seriously pissed off cat.
I still want to be on your Crap List (as opposed to your Shit List), too.
There was vengeance in the cat’s eyes. A vengeance that couldn’t be assuaged by simply stabbing her owner. This would require planning. Patience. Cold patience. The day would come. Oh, yes, the day would come when the blue elephant thingy would be a distant, fading memory left behind in a bloody scene of pain and death…
(How’s that for a photo caption?)
BTW, the most common items bought at Wal-Mars prior to natural disasters (e.g. hurricanes) are Pop-Tarts and Beer. FACT.
Oh, and if you haven’t done so, my blog’s hit counter could use a little exercise, too… *grin*
I want cool crap!!
Thelma looks like she would kill you just to watch you die. lol
Hey, where did our flurries go? What the hell am I gonna do with all tis bottled H2o and bread? I hate weatherman. They LIE!!! stab stab.
Those super-dilated pupils? That’s how you know you’re tempting fate. And death.
My dog gets the same look in his eye just before I give him the piece of steak that’s in my fingers.
And I still want your cool crap!
OMG! Love the look of death in your cat’s eyes!
I want your cool crap.
Everytime my cat does something that annoys me, I put him in stupid hats as punishment. That probably makes him want to annoy me more…it’s a vicious cycle. I love Attention Whore Month, by the way! I want more than 2 comments a day!! READ ME!! READ ME!!! GAAAAAHHH!!!
Oh, and I still want your cool crap.
That picture of Thelma so needs a caption.
That is NOT a happy cat. Seriously. That is a scared looking mofo.
I look forward to hearing your war stories. I am sure they are not boring in any way, shape or form.
Pupils! The dilated, the contracted – the contrast! Love. It.
Military tales get another vote from me! (Not that my vote counts for much, since I am probably on both your “shit” and “stab” lists for saying “cool shit” when I meant “cool CRAP” – crap! Sorry ’bout that!)