Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura
I don’t make New Year resolutions, but one thing I want to do is clean out a bunch of crap in a spare bedroom I have. It’s one of those rooms where you throw everything in to store or hide it. I should have a yard sale, but I’m too busy on weekends for that. So while chatting in Dogette’s blog comments about how most readers don’t comment, I joked about being the poor version of The Pioneer Woman and how we should give away crap we had around the house. So I am going to do it! That’s right. I have shit loads of “cool stuff.” Anything from craft/art supplies and Winsor Pilates/movie dvds to books, Clooney WHORE Voodoo Dolls sock monkeys, and other random knick-knacks; just a regular cornucopia of cool crap. How this will work is you comment on entries during the week and if you want my cool crap at the end of your comment say “I want your cool crap” once a day. I will do a drawing at the end of the week, fill a flat rate box of cool crap of my choosing and ship the crap out to you. I will try to customize it as much as I can. Guys will get movies and books over monkeys and foofoos. Unless you want foofoos. I’m not here to judge you. But of course I do. Anyway, I’ll have Jack pick the winner. I’ll write the names on a piece of paper, ball them up individually and then throw them on the floor. The first one Jack grabs that I can wrestle out of his mouth will win the box of cool crap that week.
Here’s just a tiny, tiny sampling of some of the cool crap I will be giving away.
Yes, that’s a Little Apple Japanese Horror Doll new in box. And a pink eraser!
P.S. If you don’t want any cool crap, please still comment. Just don’t say you want the cool crap in your comment. I love comments. They fill the void in my attention whore soul.
P.S.S. The Clooney WHORE Voodoo Dolls will not be given away. They’ve been working so far. He’s single. I can’t risk it.
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34 Responses to Don’t ever say I never gave you anything… well, I guess you still can if Jack swallows your name
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That japanese horror doll looks creepy. It needs to be moved around the house all day long. Different spots.
Does that sock monkey have a patriotic sweater on? That’s cool!
I want your cool crap!
OK here is the thing- Pioneer Woman is great- and I love her and all of that. But your stab lists really warm the cockles of my barren heart and touch my soul in a way that beautiful cowboy children photos never will. Before I was bit friggin’ whiny baby- I was a bit of a stabber. Yes, I want your cool crap, but I comment anyway.
If you’re the Pioneer Woman, then I may qualify as a Pioneer Guy (tech version) — I keep old circuit boards and such around Just In Case I need a part or five off of them. Hell, yes, I’m in for getting some of your cool crap!
Argh!!! Too many sock monkeys!!! Now I’ll have to check under the bed before I get in tonight. Just to make sure. /shiver
The Japanese doll is cool looking though.
I’ve always wanted to win something. Anything. This might inspire me to do my own deep-recesses-of-the-closet purge and have a giveaway of my own.
Oh, and…
I want your cool crap!
WOW!!! how cool is that.. If I were to win your cool crap I could put it in my cool crap room…. This is cool and yes I want some of your cool crap….
Before we moved to seemingly dead-nut-center Texas, we shuttled so very many loads of what *may* have been cool crap. After reading this post, I’m now painfully aware of that emptiness.
I want your cool crap!
“Sock Monkey”?? Sounds remotely like a “sea sock”. Which is…ahem…a nautical term, of course.
That’s actually pretty cool crap. No horror dolls for me, however. The fat sock monkey is my new favoritest thing in the world. He’s adorable. Want.
BTW, I’ve been know to give away pirate gold doubloons from time to time, but made ‘em work for it with a caption contest.
If I win the dog drawing, can I ship you some of my cool crap?
Except for the Japanese doll. I want that cool crap.
hey cool things i don’t have to pay for! i am pretty sure i can give my sister nightmares for months if i had that creepy ass doll. haha
i want your cool crap!
and go voodoo power!
I love sock monkeys! I love your blog, too. I wish I was cool enough to have a stab list. It would be sooooooo long . . .
I want your cool crap!
I love the sock monkeys. So yeah I want your cool crap.
Sock monkeys are awesome!
(Just thought I’d throw that out there. I don’t really have a use for one.)
OH MY GOD! FREE COOL CRAP!!
I want your cool crap!
I like the whore voodoo doll. I think she is the coolest out of everything.. I would probably paint eye balls on her thought cuz she is kinda creepy with black eyes……we would need a little color in there… some how…..maybe green…maybe some lips too……color.
I sooooooo want a monkey. Want want want. Sniff my name out Jack.
What in the hell are foofoos?! I want to win just for that.
I want your cool crap.
I may be voted off the island for this comment, but you are way cooler than Pioneer Woman.
I <3 those pink erasers!
Oooo, is that Japanese printed tape I see there? Or maybe it is just ducky ribbon – not sure.
I want your cool crap!
I love sock monkeys and erasers! I want your cool crap! Wheeee!
Jesus CHRIST I’m sorry I haven’t been by. Then again, I haven’t been at my own site either for the last 24 or 48. Because I AM VERY BUSY AND IMPORTANT.
Nice crap. My crap, however, can beat up YOUR crap. I have crap for my crap. Nome sayin’, homegirl? I know you do.
I’ll never understand Pioneer Woman’s lovely site, but that’s OK, we can all live together in peace and harmony and luuuv.
No I haven’t been smoking anything.
Fuck it, man, it’s a comment, right? YOU KNOW IT IS! GOOD DAY! I SAID GOOD DAY SIR!
OMG!! I Love love sock monkeys. My cat is named Sock Monkey( although my son calls her monkeysocks). And I made a point to gift everybody on my christmas list with a pair of red healed sox(sock monkey sox). Oh and your vodoo whore looks just like my sons exgirl friend. I will put her in his room, he won’t sleep in therE anyway because he claims a Sucubus attacks him in his sleep.Pleashe send me some crap and I will send some in return or to another poster.we can have a virtual swap meet.
sukubus 7 up, 1 down love it hate it
buy sukubus mugs, tshirts and magnets
Sukubus:
A female whom uses sexual favors and her evil transe over a male to make him do anything. Once she is satisfied she will leave him heartless and empty but still wanting her back
I feel bad for matt, he didn’t realize his exgirlfriend was a sukubus until it was too late
The only bit of cool crap I want in that tiny, tiny sample would be the Japanese Horror Doll. Because, hey, that’s how I roll.
Speaking of, I’ve posted a new movie review over at Rocket Jones.
p=patti
and i still want your cool crap
I love love love that cool crap Horror doll. She is speaking to me. . . maybe she’s really saying “Jack, Jack, listen to me . . . send this to Joanne. She needs a cool crap horror doll”.
Oh, did I mention I want that cool crap horror doll?
Lunch sucked today…My
e-boats were yummy but that other stuff, if you dont eat it fresh it taste like fish. eewwuie fish. I want your cool crap.
Hey I want cool crap. Those Sock Monkeys are the shit. The giesha thing with no eyes is kind of freaking me out though.
I want a damn sock monkey! Jack! I am the only one that sticks up for you! Pick Me!
Jack … sweetie….remember that cute “little” snow flake sweater I bought you? I know I know. It’s to small for your gorgeous huge hairy chest. but maybe you can wear it on your hinny to keep it warm. It’s the thought that counts honey… pick me pleeeeeezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
I want your cool crap.
I didn’t make any resolutions this year either, until now. Now I resolve to comment, because I do love your site – it terrifies me just a little, my being such a milquetoast, but I love it.
Fat Sock Monkey appears to be eating some of the other cool shit – it’s oddly endearing!
Hells yeah I want some of your cool crap!
Japanese doll? Creepy
Sock monkey? Cool
Eraser? Not bad
I want your cool crap!