Things I Should Stop Doing In 2010
1. Stop wanting to stab everyone I meet. I should probably get on strong tranquilizers or hallucinogens so I can bear to be around other human beings.
2. Stop cussing J out and putting him on said Stab List and hanging up on him and telling him I would drop his ass in a skinny minute for George Clooney. I should really appreciate him more.
3. Stop obsessing about George Clooney and calling his women WHORES. I need to live in the real world more- see above.
4. Stop gloating about having an iPhone to anyone who will listen. There’s people in Mongolia who don’t even have a smart phone.
5. Stop dressing my dog up and laughing at him while I photograph him. He has feelings. No intelligence, but feelings.
6. Stop accusing Steve Jobs of being a thief. I drink when I surf iTunes so my math may be off.
7. Stop calling my neighbor “Crazy Betty” and show her some compassion. Perhaps even bake her some cookies one day. Maybe slip in a few of those tranquilizers.
8. Stop thinking constantly of ways I could fake my own death and get away with it. I should really try to solve my problems under THIS identity.
9. Stop editing my blog after I publish it. I am not even kidding. You can read it then hit refresh and it will be different.
10. Stop cursing and taking the Lord’s name in vain so much, and pasting a T-Rex as God all over my blog. I should remember my religious upbringing and actually fear going to Hell.
11. Stop drinking when I’m alone and calling my ex’s and telling them I was pregnant when we broke up and secretly had their baby and that they owe me back child support but that I’ll take it in one lump sum and never bother them again.
12. Stop borrowing my friend’s kids when I arrange to meet these ex’s to pick up the check.
Things I Will Stop Doing In 2010