Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives

— Laura

A friend will help you pick out a new dress, a REAL friend will help you pick out new body parts

By Laura On December 15, 2009 · 12 Comments

Friend: “Will you come to the plastic surgeon’s office with me next week?”

Me: “Sure. Why am I going with you?

Friend: “I want you to help me pick out some boobs.”

Me: “Umm. What?”

Friend: “Yes. I am getting breast implants. I need you to pick out the right size for me.”

Me: “You want me to pick them out?”

Friend: “Yes. I want you to go with me because you’re all artsy and everything.”

Me: “Umm, okay. I’m not drawing them on am I?”

12 Comments

12 Responses to A friend will help you pick out a new dress, a REAL friend will help you pick out new body parts

patti says:

December 15, 2009 at 7:04 pm

haahaahaa – giggle – chuckle

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Nicole says:

December 15, 2009 at 7:17 pm

I thought for a minute that it was going to be “a REAL friend will help you pick *up* body parts.” Or are those only my friends?

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Gargs the PooPoo Head says:

December 15, 2009 at 10:30 pm

Your boobs are Fabulous! Don’t you dare change them. There is nothing wrong with them that Victoria’s Secret can’t solve.

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Dave Merriman says:

December 15, 2009 at 11:48 pm

Um… if you’re really uncomfortable about it, I suppose I could, you know, fill in for you.

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Lex says:

December 16, 2009 at 12:12 am

hahaha i hope she doesn’t make you touch them too lol

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Jennifer says:

December 16, 2009 at 6:46 am

If I were getting new boobs, I’d want you to come along too and pick them out. I think it is about the artist thing. And I wouldn’t want a b/f or husband picking them out because you’d walk out of there with HUGE, GIGANTIC, FREAKY ones. lol

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Laura says:

December 16, 2009 at 7:53 am

Nicole- Sadly I don’t have many friends that will do that. I’ve asked before.
Gargs- Where did I say I was changing my boobs? They ARE fabulous and there is nothing Victoria’s Secret needs to do. And by the way, I hate VS bras.
Dave- I will tell my friend. But I think Jennifer said what most women think- men would just pick out HUGE ones.
Lex- There are limits to my friendship.
Jennifer- I would go with you too if you asked.

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Joe the Blog Stalker says:

December 16, 2009 at 1:20 pm

I, like Dave, would like to volunteer for this duty.

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Dave Merriman says:

December 16, 2009 at 1:32 pm

Happily, I’m not “most” men; I actually have a sense of proportion.

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Laura says:

December 16, 2009 at 3:26 pm

Dave- Simmah down nah! I said “most” women think men will pick really biguns.

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BillthePainter says:

December 16, 2009 at 6:59 pm

I guess I need some new friends!
I should find a female friend and ask her if she thinks the enlargement pills are working!

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Pat says:

December 16, 2009 at 9:49 pm

Shit, I didn’t think you needed to be artsy to pick out new tits. Who knew? I figured you just keep stuffing a big enough bra until your back hurts or you fall flat on your face. Then you go down one size. Artsy-farsty. Who needs it?

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