I had this added to the notes on my iPhone because I kept forgetting it when I wrote my Stab Lists on Mondays, but this really needs its own post.
People that marinate themselves in perfume or cologne need to be STABBED. Stabbed, then hosed down with some kind of industrial solvent and placed in a giant Ziploc bag using giant spaghetti tongs and fucking buried 20 feet deep in an air-tight Tupperware container. What the fuck people? You can’t cover up funk with a perfume. You just reek of funk AND perfume. It’s disgusting. Your perfume lingers. Lingers. No one wants to keep smelling you. NO ONE. It is not sexy like the commercials say. It is not intoxicating. It’s FOUL.
All you need is to be clean. Don’t ruin it with your so called “signature scent.” If people can smell you coming and going, you are wrong. Save that scent for your date. Nobody who is forced to be around you wants to smell you and all the others in the same vicinity. Yes, all the marinated scents make a fine brew. NOT.
Smokers. Yes, you smell like smoke. I used to smoke and say “Oh this is so disgusting. I bet I smell like smoke.” knowing full well I did. Again, yes you smell like smoke. But you know what’s worse? Dousing yourself with perfume/cologne after each cigarette. Goddamn. You become a walking cloud of chemical ewww PLUS smoke. Just smoke your cigarette and chew some gum or something before you have to get up close to people or just avoid getting up close to people. Simple. One of the prices you pay. Just know that coating yourself with perfume/cologne is NOT solving your problem and if that’s what you are doing, you should be stabbed.
I am not anti-perfume. Just use it sparingly at your pulse points. NO ONE should be able to smell you unless they are up in your Kool-Aid. And if you’re in an office, remember NO ONE wants to smell your scent, period. I don’t care if someone compliments your scent. There’s shitloads of other folks marinated in other scents and all those scents compete with each other. It’s nasty and nauseating.
If this entry can make just ONE perfume/cologne addicted person stop doing what they are doing, then it served its purpose. Carry on.
P.S. Please note the purple button up top on the left, under my boo George Clooney button. The Animal Rescue Site. Please click it and go into their site and click their button there everyday to help feed and care for shelter animals. It is legit and won’t cost you a thing. Thank you.
P.P.S. The giveaway ends tomorrow at midnight. The winner will be picked by a random generator and will be announced sometime Saturday. It all depends when I drag my ass out of bed. I’m going to have some drinks Friday, so there’s no telling when that will be.
P.P.P.S. The last time I drank on a Friday I didn’t get out of bed until Sunday night. Just saying.
P.P.P.P.S. I promise I’ll get out of bed on Saturday to announce the winner. I was just telling you one of my drinking stories and about how old I am getting because I can’t recover as quickly from drinking. Maybe it’s because I really don’t drink that often. Why am I telling you this? Like you care about my hangovers. You should though. Just saying.17 Comments