Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura
It has been an educational week. Not only have I been educating you all with my Facts, but I have been learning how to blog over at Two Nervous Dogs. Apparently I have been doing it all wrong. I will try to do better, but I doubt I will.
There will be blogging this weekend again even though I’m doing it wrong. So all the cool people let me know if I need to go check out your blogs. I don’t like just checking on my own. I am extremely lazy and it also pisses me off to pop in to find Friday’s, or even Thursday’s post, and then come Monday people are all “Oh wow my weekend was so busy! We went to meet Biff and Buffy, yadda yadda.” I want to stab you.
Today at work I was sent two pictures of George Clooney with his new girlfriend in two seperate emails. I don’t remember this supposed girlfriend’s name. I don’t want to look it up. I don’t want to remember her name. Let’s just call her WHORE. Anyway, I’m emailed pics of him with this WHORE and I’m thinking “Goddammit stop sending pictures of this WHORE” Then I got an email from Dogette that read “Oh! I saw Clooney’s pic with some ‘gal pal’ in People magazine this morning. Took a pen out and blacked her teeth out for you. Salon owner LOLd when I explained.” Now this is what I’m talking about people! I am going to ask all of you to do the same. When you are out and about having an exciting life and you see a magazine or paper with a picture of George Clooney with the WHORE, please blacken her teeth, give her acne, funky-ass glasses, or just bear down real hard with a pen and scrape her face off for me will you? I would love it. You can even send me a pic of your work or post it on your blog! We’ll start a grassroots operation here! But please do not email me for reimbursement when you are forced to pay for defacing these publications. Just know that I appreciate you and your efforts.
Oh, I almost forgot. I learned this in Dogette’s Blogging Workshop- “Knowing when to use graphics to ENGAGE your readers.”
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My pen ran out of ink, so I stabbed the picture. I hope that’s OK. Which reminds me, will you be giving lessons on proper stabbing?
Why do we care if zombies survive? They’re effing dead already.
I am exhausted — exhausted, I tell you — from trying to learn to blog properly. Who knew it could take this much out of you? Obviously I need to hone, so I will definitely be blogging over the weekend. I’m not saying it will be ENGAGING, but I will blog, if nothing else because I must add BEH-BEYS to the BEH-BEY ISLAND.
As soon as I saw the WHORE in the magazine I stabbed at her with my pen. The woman in the next chair gave me that disapproving look. So I just blacked out the WHORE’S teeth. I would have done her eyes and added a goatee but I was forcibly moved to a new chair, abruptly too, and had to leave the magazine behind.
Oh, for fuck’s sake. Now I little blackened spots on my monitor.
I will be blogging all weekend, even in the face of not knowing how to do it correctly or properly engage my readers… or is that enrage? What ever. Oh and who is this George Clooney of whom you speak? Was he in that TV show with Cybill Shepherd back in the eighties? I’m so out of touch…
Oh hell. I’ve been using graphics to ENRAGE my readers.
I am blogging away this weekend, albeit INCORRECTLY per the Rules.
I fail at graphics, hanging head and leaving quietly…
So, like, if I snap and start offing whores, I can claim that the voices in my head (i.e. you) told me to stab all whores because they like George Clooney.
Sounds like a viable defense strategy to me.
Sorry to comment a day late…I’m saving the planet one lipstick at a time! Just know that I will be a Soldier for The Cause and just love the whole grassroots thingy. I will even smoke some if you think it would be helpful. Or not. I will just do it anyway, OK?
With my right hand raised, I say with my right hand raised, “I vow to blacken the teeth, poke out the eyes, or basically just scrape the face off of the whore who is currently with George Clooney pictured in my People magazine from here on out.” Because the voices in my head (meaning Laura) told me to.