Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura
I got an email this morning from my manager. I can’t make it a jpg. Most of it had to be blacked out because of confidential work shit and names, and to resize it made it unreadable. So here’s a cut and paste of it with names removed.
From Manager: Please read below and let me know what you think and how you feel. Thanks.
From CEO: Historically THE PLACE I WORK have supported BLANK Children’s Home through the Christmas giving program. Children’s “wish list” is placed on an angel card and interested PEOPLE HERE can select cards from the Christmas tree and bring their gifts to the office during the designated collection time. The BLANK Children’s Home is inquiring of THE PLACE I WORK participation interest this year. In light of the economy, financial challenges and burdens some have faced, the Senior Team felt it best if you as Manager’s would meet with and poll your staff regarding their preference and interest. Please meet with your staff and poll them regarding interest and recommendations. Please forward your staff members feedback to A PERSON no later than Friday, October 9.
Here’s my reply to my manager:
I think orphans still need a Christmas. Patrons also take cars from that tree. So I vote yes, we should have the tree.
I saw my typo after I had sent it, so I immediately sent this:
Please correct “cars” to “cards” before forwarding my response. If anyone is giving away cars I want to be first in line; even if that means shoving some orphans out of the way.
Then I thought ‘Oh shit, she might forward that too!’ So I sent this:
Please don’t forward that last message about shoving orphans. I mean, I definitely would shove them to get a new car; I just don’t want a lot of people knowing that. I would like to keep it as a surprise tactic if cars were ever being given away and orphans were present. Thank you.
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9 Responses to Sometimes when I am at work I wonder what I would do if a disgruntled worker came in with a gun. Would I hide under my desk or point people out for them?
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I think you handled the little glitch in a very sober and professional manner and are to be commended. Last time someone forwarded an office email of mine with my casual joking extraneous remarks included, it ended this huge-ass mess with people whining about “burglars” in a DC hotel complex. Fuck me! It was an off-the-cuff remark! Lighten the fuck up, WaPo.
I learned something new here today, yet again, from your FACT photo. Plus I was, curiously, aroused.
I was somewhat aroused myself, but I think it had more to do with the look on his face. ggrrrrrr
The workplace is a trap, plain and simple. Yes, it was hysterically told, yet sad and painful to hear. I have a problem with making up songs, well lyrics to songs actually. I am a make-up artist and was put on probation for singing: I’m…too sexy for this town…what’s with that goddamn frown…I make you look like clown???…get out before I CUT YOU!!!
Some people have no sense of humor…sad, really!
Hooves and a 44 cal. fire-belching peen … a High Plains sex machine, right there.
The title had me laughing my ass off. I think I know which one you’d do. Love the email.
I too am learning so much from your FACT series. You should write a book or better yet, teach. That cowboy is kind of cute even if he is half horse.
Yeah! He looks thrilled to be in those wooly mammoth pants….Nice save on the e-mail but I heard the entire thing was forwarded to administration. heehee
I love the “Fact” series. I am getting such an education reading your blog that I sent your link to everyone I know in Florida…. and Maine. fun to be had by all.
I’m waiting for the inevitable instruction manual: “Shoving Orphans for Fun and Profit.”
More and more I am in need of Real humor the first few hours I’m awake. I thank you for that !
I remember right after 9-11 happened a few comedians said they thought they were wasting their lives just making people laugh. They didn’t think that was important. I thought they should realize that making people laugh is extremely important. You have helped countless people forget their troubles, if only for a few seconds. The body still benefits from laughing no matter how short lived because stress is reduced just for that short time.
So for You….(and the other bloggers who make me laugh)….Thank You.
Sorry my response was so serious…
Dogette- You crack me up. I am glad my FACT series is educating you. Knowledge is power. So say Wendy.
Teresa- Most work places suck. Some more than others. That’s all I’m gonna say about that. I don’t understand what the big deal was about that song. lol
Jim- He reminds me of James Dean. If James Dean was half horse.
Jennifer- Maybe I should be a teacher. NOT.
Doni- All knowledge should be shared.
CG- It’s in the works : )
SB- It’s comments like yours that keep me writing this crazy ass blog of mine. Thank you.
So THAT’S where that saying came from, “Are you happy to see me, or is that just your GUN?”
Nice save on the e-mail, but good luck finding a new job.