Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 164

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 167

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 170

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 173

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 176

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 178

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 180

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 202

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 206

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 214

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 215

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 217

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 321

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 321

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 321

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 321

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/admin/class.options.metapanel.php on line 56

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/admin/class.options.metapanel.php on line 56

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/admin/class.options.metapanel.php on line 56

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/admin/class.options.metapanel.php on line 56

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/admin/class.options.metapanel.php on line 56

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/admin/class.options.metapanel.php on line 56

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/admin/class.options.metapanel.php on line 56

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/admin/class.options.metapanel.php on line 56

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/admin/class.options.metapanel.php on line 56

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/admin/class.options.metapanel.php on line 49
The first peen I’d ever seen (Hey! Im a poet!) | Fetch My Flying Monkeys
Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura

One of my co-workers was talking about her son the other day, saying he had a girlfriend and how she embarrassed him by asking him if he has kissed her yet. I asked her if he admitted he did, and she said, no, that he was too young to want to do that, kiss girls that is. I then asked her what grade he was in (’cause I’m kid ignorant and really don’t know age development) and she told me he was in seventh grade. I told her in seventh grade a boy named Wayne showed me and my friend his penis and she pretty much stuck her fingers in her ears and lalala’ed and walked away after that. I guess she didn’t want to think about her son getting his freak on.


Like I said, it was seventh grade and I had a friend named Teresa, and when we both got together we always found trouble. Well, word had gotten to both of us previously that Wayne was getting hard-ons and apparently he was perving in front of the shy quiet girls and scarring them for life by rubbing his pants and chasing them with his crotch rocket. He chose these shy girls because he was pretty sure they wouldn’t rat on him. In those days we weren’t really warned about stranger danger and about perverts that want to touch you or that you should tell an adult when you felt uncomfortable. We were just good guilt-ridden Catholic girls that knew sex was dirty and boys were sex perverts and you should just pray to the baby Jesus that you weren’t a whore and that you’d wait until you were married and then pop out a baker’s dozen for the Holy Ghost and the Pope. Or something like that.


So I’m sitting in math class and Wayne was in the seat beside me and Teresa in the seat on the other side of Wayne. I heard a “Psst, psst!” and leaned forward and looked at Teresa. She nodded her head towards Wayne, and there the fucker was all crouched down in his seat kneading his crotch for all he was worth. I started to giggle and he looked at me. I smiled and nodded towards Teresa who smiled at him too. Now, Teresa was crazy as hell and next thing I know she’s puckering up her lips and has her eyelids all at half mast in an attempt to look sexy. It was all I could do not to laugh, so I tried to do my sexy look too, which looking back was just a mixed expression of constipation and sleepiness. Wayne was going to town kneading and yanking when the nun/teacher by chance stepped out of the room. Then Teresa and I looked at each other with a knowing nod. Teresa told Wayne to pull it out. We wanted to see it. Wayne looked at me to see if I wanted to see it too and with my constipated/sleepy face I said something like “Oh yeah, sexy yeah.” So the fucker unzips his pants and pulls his wiener out. I remember thinking how ugly the thing was and again I was just trying not to laugh. Teresa on the other hand was whispering things like “Ohhh, now rub it for us.” So of course the little perv started pulling his pud. I look up and see the nun/teacher had come back into the class and instantly I signaled Teresa and we both jump up and almost in unison say “Sister Jean Marie, Wayne has his penis out!” The whole class turned as Wayne frantically tried in vain to stash his pecker back in his pants. In a flash Sister Jean Marie was on him and had him yanked out of his seat by his ear. She pulled him out of the room with his pants still unzipped and his quickly softening peen flopping with each step. That was the last we saw of Wayne and his penis.


Teresa and I became heroes that day to all the girls in our class. The boys? That’s a different story. They all kept their distance after that.

9 Comments
 

9 Responses to The first peen I’d ever seen (Hey! Im a poet!)

  1. Gargs says:

    LMAO! This is so you! Evil from the start.

  2. Joe the Blog Stalker says:

    This is fucking gold- “We were just good guilt-ridden Catholic girls that knew sex was dirty and boys were sex perverts and you should just pray to the baby Jesus that you weren’t a whore and that you’d wait until you were married and then pop out a baker’s dozen for the Holy Ghost and the Pope.”
    I spewed my coffee laughing.
    Poor Wayne btw.

  3. Fencepost says:

    Oh, girl, that was cruel. Ask him to pull it out and then rat on him.
    Poor, kid. I’ll bet he was scarred for life!

  4. Jennifer says:

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I think the little prick deserved what he got! HAHAHAHAHA!

  5. Mia says:

    This cracked me up!

  6. midtown miscreant says:

    Reminds me of a joke about this priest who needs to go to the bathroom. He gets the janitor to sit in the confessional, tells him if anyone shows up, just give em some hail marys and send them on their way. A woman comes in says forgive me father I have sinned. I gave my boss oral sex. The janitor panics, figures this is a mortal sin, where just a hail mary wont cut it. He sticks his head out of the booth just as an altar boy walks by. He asks the alter boy ” What does the father give for a blow job?”
    alter boy replies ” A snickers and a coke”

  7. nicki says:

    You were one wild ass child! (And you still are hehehe!)

  8. Ummmm…wow. WTF was wrong with Wayne? I’ve never had a burning to show my package to random women, while pleasuring myself. Errr…not in public anyhow.

  9. daphne says:

    I got distracted by small evil children the other night and neglected this fine post.
    Laura, you can write. Seriously, woman, you write the shit out of a story when you get down to business. More of this please, it’s simply wonderful.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>