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I was virtually violated for this entry | Fetch My Flying Monkeys
Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura

In my ongoing quest to research sites on the web for my readers, I signed up for an account at IMVU.com. Oy.


For anyone who doesn’t know what this is, it’s an interactive “chat” site where you design an avatar, decorate a home, buy clothes, work, and chat. It’s what the kiddies call Second Life- a virtual world. This was my avatar:



Avatar


Looks just like me. Shut up.


You’re given so many credits when you sign up and can earn more later or actually pay real money for credits. I, of course, went shopping first and bought a bunch of whoreish clothes with all my free credits. Then I hit a little chat button thinking I’d go out on the town in my thong bikini. Don’t judge me.


Magically a guy avatar in leather pants appeared. He looked equally anime and introduced himself as “Stud.” He told me I was hot. As I was stumbling around on my keyboard trying to see how the hell you control these things and make someone disappear, I suddenly saw that my avatar was in a “bachelor pad” and Stud was typing sexy nothings to me. What the fuck. My first time in here and I’m abducted and about to get cyber raped! I started clicking keys and arrows trying to get the hell out of this guy’s virtual apartment. I ran into walls and did some kind of robotic dance where I bent over backwards and kicked into the air. I also did a funky leap frog move. Evidently my avatar was epileptic and borderline retarded which seemed to only turn Stud on more. Finally I just hit the little “X” in the corner and got my ass out of there with my avatar’s dignity virginity intact. But come to think of it, when I hit the “X” I probably left my avatar in there. To him, it was like I was roofied; just passed out there for him to take advantaged of. *Shudder* I’d have to take my avatar to the free clinic the next day. To hell with research. I uninstalled the program after that. I was virtually traumatized. And besides, I was cyber-broke.


The lesson I took away with here was not to go out in public in your thong bikini and expect intellectual conversation. Oh, and don’t spend all your money on whorish clothes. Rent’s due sometime and not all studs are sugar daddies. Most just want in your cyber panties.

12 Comments
 

12 Responses to I was virtually violated for this entry

  1. Fencepost says:

    You should have done the backwards kick thing in that cyber dude’s face and showed him who was boss! (before you left forever)

  2. Gargs says:

    You are the only person I know who could stumble into a cyber booty call.

  3. Joe the Blog Stalker says:

    “Evidently my avatar was epileptic and borderline retarded which seemed to only turn Stud on more”- Made me laugh out loud.

  4. Jennifer says:

    I’m glad you made it out of there with minimal emotional scarring. LOL!

  5. you should have gouged his virtual eye with your virtual thumb or something.

  6. Laura says:

    Ya’ll don’t understand, I had absolutely NO control over my avatar. I couldn’t kick or gouge at anyone. Hell, I was lucky to even stay upright. I was in a grand mal seizure mode the whole time.

  7. Felicia says:

    Okay, that cracked me up. I went through your archives and you’re funny as hell.

  8. daphne says:

    I snorted bourbon straight out of my nostrils reading that, Miss Laura. My screen is a disaster and the keyboard may need replacing.

  9. alison says:

    Ditto to Daphne. Great waste of a martini. I hope the cyber officer you called was *at least* a George Clooney lookalike after that awful experience.
    btw at work I cannot comment on your blog. It gets referred to our UD Corporation Big Brother spooned up under “sex”!! Man oh man. Now I know why! ;-)
    I wanted to comment on your post about how hot offices get and the weirdos who reside in them with the thermo jacked up to 100. I sympathise.

  10. Laura says:

    Alison- I can’t believe my site gets filtered as porn. I don’t even have naked pics of Clooney up YET, but as soon as that restraining order is up I will remedy that : )
    And I really dread the summers here mostly because it’s 100 degrees outside and those reptile people BITCH if they feel the air go on. Ugggh!!!

  11. alison says:

    Over here the thermo is set to boil, while the women walk around in sleeveless t shirts or camisoles and complain they are “chilly”. I sit there in a regular top with beads of sweat forming on my brow and I want to smash them into the carpet screaming “wear a fucking long sleeved top sap, its WINTER!”. But sadly I might get fired.

  12. Hi Laura…found my way over here from Daphne’s site. That was well written, and funny enough to make me laugh out loud. If you’re always this funny, I may have to become a frequent reader.
    I’ve never understood the whole “second life” thing myself. Maybe’s it’s because I’m too busy and having too much fun with my “first life”.

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