Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura
Instead of doing a list of good things that happened in 2008 or a list of New Year resolutions I have no intentions of keeping, I thought I’d just do a list of things that never happened in 2008 that I really, really wanted to. We’ll call this:
My 2008 Regret List
1. George Clooney never contacted me. I write about him here on my blog in hopes he’ll google himself and realize just by my words that he desperately needs me in his life. It never happened. I won’t give up though. CALL ME, GEORGE CLOONEY.
2. I never actually punched anybody in the throat this year and it’s one of my favorite things to say. That, and “CALL ME, GEORGE CLOONEY.”
3. Another year has passed and there still are NO KILLER ROBOTS available to the general public. This really pisses me off. But I haven’t given up hope. I have though changed my mind on my robot’s name. Instead of Bill, I will name him GEORGE CLOONEY.
4. J refused plastic surgery to make him look like GEORGE CLOONEY. God, I ask for ONE FREAKIN’ TINY FAVOR. I’d like to punch him in the throat; J, not you GEORGE CLOONEY.
5. I didn’t win the lottery. Of course I would have used all the winnings to pay off the judge and have the restraining order lifted so that GEORGE CLOONEY and I could finally be together.
6. My acting career never took off this year. Of course I put absolutely no effort towards it at all, but that’s beside the point. It was my dream to co-star with GEORGE CLOONEY and have the stereotypical leading man/co-star love affair. I am not without acting experience. I got rave reviews on my performance in a play once. The nuns said they had never seen a better tree.
7. I never moved to California. I really wanted to be closer to THE PACIFIC OCEAN. Yeah, I bet you thought I was going to say GEORGE CLOONEY. Loser.
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14 Responses to Regrets, I’ve had a few; but you’re not one of them GEORGE CLOONEY
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Can you say OBSESSED! tee hee
Happy New Year, Laura!
Obsessed : )
He is gayer than that volleyball scene in Top Gun. He reminds me of a modern Rock Hudson type.
I am thankful that he is gay. If he wasn’t, I am sure he would have called you by now and I would be out on my butt wondering what happened.
J- Jealous much? I will punch you in throat if you keep up with the lies.
And OMG, wasn’t that volleyball game the gayest scene ever in any movie ever?
He’s a short little motherfucker, Laura!
That’d be like having sex with a big headed, skinny midget.
Now, you want to talk some Brad Pitt – we can have a drool fest.
JESUS CHRIST HOLDING AN UZI! What the hell?? I’m about to go medieval all up in here on all your asses!
I can’t hear you (fingers in ears) lalalalalalalalala.
Daphne- about Brad, he was on my list, but now that like every 10 seconds a baby is dropping out of Angelina’s vagina- for some reason I just look at him as a breeder and a daddy. Ewwwww. I guess I’ll stick to big headed skinny sterile midgets THAT COULD BE GAY.
LALALALALALALALALALALALALA!
Point taken.
Brad does seem to have developed an unattractive baby fetish. Not hot.
Hey, I’ve had my fag hag moments too, but you need to move on.
How about that hot Argentinean polo player in the Ralph Lauren ads?
Daphne- If you mean Figueras, yes he is very drool worthy. But being a male model kinda raises that ole gay alert meter to the stratosphere.
But APPARENTLY most folks think I’m hot for gay men anyway : (
LALALALALALALALALALA!!!
Jesus Christ holding an uzi?
*mental picture, ripped from “South Park”
Is the uzi for whatever waitress Clooney is banging the day you really do stalk him down?
LALALALALALALALALALALALALA
Well YAY!!! At least one says he’s banging waitresses and not waiters!
Laura,
I would love to marry you, but I am more into your twin. He is 10 times nicer, has a cute ass, and has a penis.
I think all of ya’ll are more obsessed with gay men than I am and I was with 6 last night!! Sheesh
O.K. These comments are funny.
Ummmm, J, if Laura ever throws you out, you can come live with me. I have a spare room, and you don’t have to deal with me on Tuesdays, Fridays and Saturdays.