Years ago I had a blog that is now defunct. Yesterday I was going through the archives to see if I wanted to salvage any of it. Most of it was pure crap, whereas
a smaller percent none of this one is. But I did see a few entries I kind of chuckled at. I had already posted a few “Marry, Kill, or Fuck” entries from there and since I’m all about laziness conservation and recycling, I thought I’d regurgitate another entry here.
Six things that most people don’t know about me.
1. It bugs me when people ask me if it’s true that redheads have a bad temper. I tell them no, then hit them in the face with a tire iron.
2. It bugs me when people ask me if it’s true that redheads are good in bed. I tell them yes, then hit them in the face with a tire iron.
3. I join music clubs like welfare recipients buy lottery tickets. I’ve had to move three times and change my identity each time because I never fulfill their “buy 4 more at regular price in two years” contracts. The bastards.
4. I once killed a man with my bare hands. Well, it wasn’t with my bare hands actually, it was with my car. And I didn’t really kill him. He bruised his elbow putting groceries in the back seat. Krogers sure was mad though.
5. When I get pissed at friends, I watch “America’s Most Wanted” and then turn them in as one of the fugitives. I bought a voice changer just for this activity.
6. I secretly listen to Barry Manilow and sing along loudly wearing only boxer shorts and a sports bra. For the finale I play “Copacabana” adding a fruit hat (that I make that morning) on my head. It scares my pets and frightens my neighbors. Then when I’m finished I eat the fruit and go look for someone to hit in the face with a tire iron.4 Comments
Links to Enjoy
- Andrew Knapp Photos.
- Pot Noodles.
- The Hyena Handlers of Nigeria.
- Rest in fucking pieces, Mr. Darcy.
- Wake Up!
- Hitler's Home Movies.
- Subway Surfer.
- MC Mom.
- Is Your Girlfriend a Horse?
- Now I want to go to Iceland.
- Karaoke Hitler.
- Wake up! They see us!
- How a Gas Nozzle Knows When To Shut Off.
- A Yelp Review left for Walter Palmer's Dental Practice.
- Sleeping Guy Gets Twizzlered.
- Birds in Watercolor.
- When Taunting Goes Wrong.
- Google Sheep View.
- 3 year old girl explain the complexities of childbirth in 4 seconds.
I’m glad we’re only virtual friends! I like my face just the way it is!!
HA! HA! I really liked the “killed a man with my bare hands” one. HA! HA!
I still need plastic surgery after that tire iron incident, and btw meeting John Walsh was one of the highlights of my life!
I promise not to send my English friends over here – they all have the hots for angry redheads.