Going green

Years ago I had a blog that is now defunct. Yesterday I was going through the archives to see if I wanted to salvage any of it. Most of it was pure crap, whereas a smaller percent none of this one is. But I did see a few entries I kind of chuckled at. I had already posted a few “Marry, Kill, or Fuck” entries from there and since I’m all about laziness conservation and recycling, I thought I’d regurgitate another entry here.

Six things that most people don’t know about me.

1. It bugs me when people ask me if it’s true that redheads have a bad temper. I tell them no, then hit them in the face with a tire iron.

2. It bugs me when people ask me if it’s true that redheads are good in bed. I tell them yes, then hit them in the face with a tire iron.

3. I join music clubs like welfare recipients buy lottery tickets. I’ve had to move three times and change my identity each time because I never fulfill their “buy 4 more at regular price in two years” contracts. The bastards.

4. I once killed a man with my bare hands. Well, it wasn’t with my bare hands actually, it was with my car. And I didn’t really kill him. He bruised his elbow putting groceries in the back seat. Krogers sure was mad though.

5. When I get pissed at friends, I watch “America’s Most Wanted” and then turn them in as one of the fugitives. I bought a voice changer just for this activity.

6. I secretly listen to Barry Manilow and sing along loudly wearing only boxer shorts and a sports bra. For the finale I play “Copacabana” adding a fruit hat (that I make that morning) on my head. It scares my pets and frightens my neighbors. Then when I’m finished I eat the fruit and go look for someone to hit in the face with a tire iron.

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