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Admitting you have a problem is the first step | Fetch My Flying Monkeys
Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura


Salon Products


I just got out of the shower. Sorry for the mental imagery, but I feel like confessing to some kind of disorder I may be suffering from. No, I’m not talking about my usual kind of crazy that often shows up here that’s not so “between the lines.” I’m talking about some kind of addiction I have with beauty products. More specifically, bathing products.


Right this moment there are eight bottles of hair conditioner (most no more than half empty), six bottles of shampoo (again, most no more than half empty) four bottles of assorted fruit and food scented body wash, two bottles of girly shaving lotion, and a large bottle of Neutrogena Sesame Body Oil. Now these are just what’s around the edge of the tub. On the over the shower caddy is two more bottles of shampoo, one conditioner, apricot facial scrub, another girly shaving lotion, an olive oil body wash, two Lady something or other four bladed razors (I guess I need backup), a bar of soap, two of those puffy mesh body sponges, a large tooth comb, and a wash cloth. Please note- I NEVER use an entire bottle of any bath product. Also, I will not list what products are in the linen closet. I’m not ready to reveal too much of this particular crazy yet. I would have taken a picture of my shower for ya’ll but I knew my shower soap scum and the hair I had cleaned from the drain and threw up on the ledge would just disgust you and I don’t have time to clean first. I’m on my way to Target to get some Bumble and Bumble hair conditioner. It’s da bomb.


I know you guys that can wash your entire body from head to toe with a half used bar of Cashmere Bouquet soap from the Sheraton won’t understand. But I’m ready to take some baby steps. I need to send all my half used products to some stinky third world, combination skinned, hairy appendaged, normal to dry haired country. Perhaps France?

7 Comments
 

7 Responses to Admitting you have a problem is the first step

  1. Becky says:

    Okay, you have a problem with too much beauty products.
    I have a problem with having too much beauty products. I can’t stand all those bottles. When something reaches half empty, I can’t wait to finish it off so I can throw it away.
    Two total opposites, don’t you think?

  2. Rev Jef says:

    Well, I’m sure you generally smell good, at any rate. But changing soaps that often can’t be good for you in the long run.

  3. When my girlfriend moved in she had two boxes full of lotions, balms, salves, ointments, blah, blah, and blah. She must have 20 bottles of lotion alone. Do they have a Betty ford type clinic for you people?

  4. Laura says:

    Midtown- Only two boxes? Unless she had to move the two boxes with a hand truck, she’s just in the beginning stages of the disease.

  5. Laura says:

    Rev Jef- I hope there’s no cumulative toxins in my soaps. But then again that would explain the seizures after every exfoliation.

  6. Laura says:

    Becky- Does sound like the complete opposite of me. I wish I could control my illness like that.

  7. daphne says:

    Guilty! I have two entire shelves in one very large cabinet full of half used products. I can’t bring myself to throw them out because they’re not empty.
    I’m not gonna feel too bad about it though, it’s probably one of my least neurotic (and least expensive) tendencies.

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