Yesterday I cut my right thumb so badly that blood was pouring everywhere. By the time I ran into the bathroom and grabbed the bandaging material, the towel I had wrapped around it was soaked in blood and was dripping onto the floor to form a puddle. All the time I was frantically opening the bandaging material boxes with my mouth I was crying and sniveling, and I can’t remember but I think I was saying, “Oh God, oh God, oh God” over and over. When I had finally wrapped a huge amount of ‘Hurt Free’ wrap a hundred times tightly around it, I was crying like a little school girl. I was holding my wrapped thumb tightly and rocking myself back and forth sobbing hysterically. I WAS FREAKED THE FUCK OUT.
When the hell did this happen to me? I was always THE PERSON. THE ROCK. The one you wanted around in an emergency, the one you wanted in a foxhole with you. The one you wanted fighting beside you in case of zombie warfare. I’ve been through some nasty emergencies with friends and family. I sat and held pressure to wounds and waited for the ambulance with my brother that had taken a spill on the tractor and the mower ran over him! By the way, what kept him from being total ground meat was he luckily fell mostly in a ditch. Hell, I always knew I could easily pull a Rambo and suture up myself, or anyone else for that matter, with a tad of extra thread or a horse’s tail hair and an upholstery needle if I had to. Many times I’ve taken my own sutures out just so I wouldn’t have to go back to the doctors. I’ve held a mirror and watched the oral surgeon extract my wisdom teeth for crapsake.
But now I completely doubt myself.
This morning I changed the bandages. It was horrible because the gauze had stuck to the wound and I cried like the weak pansy ass I have become. I even had to lay down afterwards and try to find my happy place, stifling the cries into my pillow. I’m so disgusted with myself.
I would take a picture of it and post it, but I can’t even bear to look at it. My previous self would have snapped pics from all angles just in hopes of grossing just one of you out. Now, I would probably pass out just looking at it through the lens. I’m such a candy ass girl. Blech.
Remember, you are on your own in the event we are attacked by zombies. I’ll be the blubbering, freaked out bitch laying on the ground with a broken high heel screaming hysterically until my brain gets eaten out of my head.7 Comments