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When did I turn into such a wuss? | Fetch My Flying Monkeys
Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura

Yesterday I cut my right thumb so badly that blood was pouring everywhere. By the time I ran into the bathroom and grabbed the bandaging material, the towel I had wrapped around it was soaked in blood and was dripping onto the floor to form a puddle. All the time I was frantically opening the bandaging material boxes with my mouth I was crying and sniveling, and I can’t remember but I think I was saying, “Oh God, oh God, oh God” over and over. When I had finally wrapped a huge amount of ‘Hurt Free’ wrap a hundred times tightly around it, I was crying like a little school girl. I was holding my wrapped thumb tightly and rocking myself back and forth sobbing hysterically. I WAS FREAKED THE FUCK OUT.


When the hell did this happen to me? I was always THE PERSON. THE ROCK. The one you wanted around in an emergency, the one you wanted in a foxhole with you. The one you wanted fighting beside you in case of zombie warfare. I’ve been through some nasty emergencies with friends and family. I sat and held pressure to wounds and waited for the ambulance with my brother that had taken a spill on the tractor and the mower ran over him! By the way, what kept him from being total ground meat was he luckily fell mostly in a ditch. Hell, I always knew I could easily pull a Rambo and suture up myself, or anyone else for that matter, with a tad of extra thread or a horse’s tail hair and an upholstery needle if I had to. Many times I’ve taken my own sutures out just so I wouldn’t have to go back to the doctors. I’ve held a mirror and watched the oral surgeon extract my wisdom teeth for crapsake.


But now I completely doubt myself.


This morning I changed the bandages. It was horrible because the gauze had stuck to the wound and I cried like the weak pansy ass I have become. I even had to lay down afterwards and try to find my happy place, stifling the cries into my pillow. I’m so disgusted with myself.


I would take a picture of it and post it, but I can’t even bear to look at it. My previous self would have snapped pics from all angles just in hopes of grossing just one of you out. Now, I would probably pass out just looking at it through the lens. I’m such a candy ass girl. Blech.


Remember, you are on your own in the event we are attacked by zombies. I’ll be the blubbering, freaked out bitch laying on the ground with a broken high heel screaming hysterically until my brain gets eaten out of my head.

7 Comments
 

7 Responses to When did I turn into such a wuss?

  1. Becky says:

    This is a problem.
    How are you going to take over the world, if you can’t handle a little blood shed?
    Now I know you need me to be your assistant. My stomach is still strong and I don’t cry easy. So when you need to turn your head, I’ve got your back!! tee hee

  2. read this http://midtownmiscreant.blogspot.com/2008/04/lost-socks-broken-bones-and.html
    It will make you feel better, I promise. Especially the pictures.

  3. Laura says:

    Thanks Becky! I think I can handle other people’s blood still..just not my own. I shall make you second in command just to be safe though.
    Midtown- OUCHIE CHIHUAHUA!!! Oh lawd, I would have passed out for sure. And you’re right. That makes my wound look like a flea bite in comparison.

  4. Gargs says:

    Wuss. Anything to get out of a photo challenge.

  5. J says:

    This event has me worried for our relationship. You want the person at your side to be able to take out the average zombie and now I am unsure. Perhaps we should rent some zombie movies and bone up on our anti-zombie tactics or see a relationship counselor or something. I have a feeling that the relationship counselor would take my side on the zombie thing though so perhaps the movies could save us the cash we would spend on the counselling sessions.

  6. Gargs says:

    I agree with J. He needs someone who can protect him from the undead, and I just don’t think you are up to the task.
    I guess I will have to work to prove that I am the one for him. Is it cheating if he does it with your twin?
    I will take pictures and share them with you. :-)

  7. Laura says:

    Gargs- Just don’t forget the photos, and perhaps a video would be nice.

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