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Dead Friend Duty expanded | Fetch My Flying Monkeys
Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura


Dead iPod Dancer


I was browsing iTunes the other day looking for more tunes to put on my iPhone. Oh, did I mention that I HAVE AN iPHONE? Anyway, I wanted to hand over more money to Steve Jobs (I love you Steve!) and as I synced my tunes to my phone and iPod it occured to me that I need to again recruit a friend for Dead Friend Duty or ask the one I have to add on more duties. You may be asking what that means. Well, everyone should have a friend that upon their sudden death will come in and a.) remove your porn and other embarrassing paraphernalia b.) dress you if you by chance fell over naked in the shower, or God forbid, pull an Elvis by popping something in your brain from straining on the toilet- all before contacting the proper authorities of course. Well, now I need a friend to delete songs from my phone and iPod or just pry them from my cold dead hands and hide the damn things. What songs you ask am I embarrassed to possess? Here are a just a few. Please don’t hold it against me.



  • Islands in the Stream by Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton. Yeah, I know. But I love singing this loudly on road trips. I love how Dolly sounds like a chipmunk.

  • Jive Talkin’ by the Bee Gees. Uh huh. I bob my head to it too. 

  • Abba. All of them.Stop laughing dammit!

  • All Out of Love by Air Supply. Sappy, sappy, ridiculous song. Just slap me. Hell, I slapped myself for this one as I typed it.

  • Boyfriend by Ashlee Simpson. Ashlee Simpson for crapsake!!!


  • My Perogative by Britney Spears. Good lord, I can’t believe I admitted this one here. A cry for help I suppose.


  • Truly, Madly, Deeply by Savage Garden. I’m speechless.


  • Word Up by Cameo. Just cause I didn’t want to end this with Savage Garden.

This is of course just a small fraction of some of the shitty music I’ve collected. The first sign of recovery is admitting you have a problem. Baby steps.

5 Comments
 

5 Responses to Dead Friend Duty expanded

  1. Beckynsc says:

    Hey, to each his own. I won’t tell anyone. tee hee

  2. Beth says:

    Islands in the stream?? omigod…. I am SO disappointed in you. You were once a role model for taste in music for me and now, well you have left me completely speechless.

  3. Girl, My phone cost me a fraction of what yours did, and I have all those songs on it. Except the Assley Simpleton one. And I can’t even be nice about this, that is just plain stupid.

  4. Oh, and I answer my phone.

  5. Laura says:

    I will not apologize for my poor taste in music!! I will just hide in shame.

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