Make sure the obit reads “assassinated”

I would be very easy to kill.

I have fairly regular habits. I leave the house for work at the same time. I leave work every evening at the same time. I walk to the mailbox at the same time everyday. I am at the same grocery store every Sunday morning.

Someone could just lie in wait with a rifle. One shot. Goodbye.

Or they could run me off the road and riddle my car with bullets. I have a gun, but not a license to carry it, so it’s not in my car. The best I could do would be to return fire with the cigarette lighter, some CDs, a phone charger, and maybe the change I keep in the console.

So…yeah. I am an easy target. And I’m okay with that. I have to be, there’s nothing much I can do about it. As much I would like to think of myself as a woman of action with honed survival instincts and a sixth sense for danger, the reality is that I am a slow-moving dork who is so self-absorbed and lost in the world inside her own head, that you could probably walk up to me with a gun and place the muzzle against my forehead before I even realized what was going on.

So if it happens, it happens. I have no problem with that. What I do have a problem with, is that my death will be called a murder. I don’t want it to be a murder, I want it to be an assassination. Why is it that only political people can be assassinated? That really doesn’t seem fair to me. Who decides these things? Is there a government agency I can address my concerns to?

Look, eventually I am going to open the front door and some stalker is gonna pull a Rebecca Schaeffer on me and when it happens, damn it, I want it to be classified as an assasination! I feel I’ve earned that right. I am the Blogging Queen, for crying out loud!

Am I asking for too much?

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