Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura

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1. Denial.

I was all “No way. This is just some National Enquirer bullshit.”

2. Anger.

Then I was all “THAT MOTHERFUCKIN’ LIAR! HE SAID HE’D NEVER MARRY!”

3. Bargaining.

Then I was all “If only he would had met me first!” and I asked God to turn back time like in that Superman movie where he flew backwards around the Earth, except this would be God and he wouldn’t have to fly because, duh, he’s God.

4. Depression.

Then I was all “God doesn’t care. No one cares. Superman wouldn’t even care.”

5. Acceptance.

Then I was all “Oh well, that’s that. He’s married.”

6. Revenge.

 

P.S.  J just called me and was all “Laura, there’s only five stages of loss and grief and revenge isn’t one of them.” And I was all “Shut your whore mouth, it’s MY stages and that’s one of them!” Then he laughed a nervous Nazi laugh.

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George and his wifey WHORE. Whatever happened to "I'll never marry", you LYING BASTARD!?!

I know I haven’t been blogging lately, and I don’t know when I will exactly. Right now I’m over here crying into a gallon container of Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Häagen-Dazs listening to Air Supply’s ‘All Out of Love’ on my iPod on repeat. As soon as I’m strong enough to switch-up to Gloria Gaynor’s ‘I Will Survive’, I will return once more to spew my insanity here. Now excuse me whilst I go get another serving spoon for my ice cream. I broke the other in a hysterical fit of rage accidently.

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