Fetch My Flying Monkeys

Posted by Laura at 11:52 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Gargs made the mistake of posting his baby picture on his site. I am thinking I will do a weekly feature titled "Big Headed Baby Sez..." With, of course, the big headed baby spewing words of wisdom. Babies spew, right?

As soon as I can find one of my baby pictures I plan on posting it. I was born with a head full of black hair (!), and I was a butterball with big fat cheeks that made my eyes just little slits. Gargs can use it as a weekly feature and title it "Fat Chinese Baby Sez..."

Posted by Laura at 08:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Posted by Laura at 05:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Some friends and I have been Twittering like mad. Our goal? To get a celebrity to respond to one of our direct tweets. First one that gets an authentic reply wins. Wins what you ask? Well, wins in the satisfaction of knowing that just for one split second we had a brush with greatness. And by greatness I mean presumptuous mediocrity.

I think I'm about to win. I tweeted Britney Spears and I offered her half of my Burger King gift cards last night. You just know crazy goes good with a side of fries.

Posted by Laura at 04:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)

And no, that is not me. I would never post a pic of my tatas on the interwebs. But what people do with it after I text it to them, is not my concern. Chances are they are being used as a "before" picture on some kind of breast enhancement advertisement.

Posted by Laura at 04:28 AM | Permalink | Comments (9)

• Hearing Alison's audio on Twitter. Girl, you talk all fancy! I love it!
• Getting my car serviced for way less than what was quoted. Woot!
• Emailing Gargs at his official job and putting some of the following things in the subject line:

• And when he tried to pathetically reciprocate, I responded back:

• Discovering a show on A&E called "Obsessed." This week's episode had a woman who kept her miscarriage in the freezer for seven years in a paper bag. Thanks A&E! Now I'm obsessed with watching your awesome show.
• Getting a totally cool new case cover for my iPhone.
• Having a guy belch the alphabet for me on Twitter!
• Seeing a picture of Perez Hilton getting punched in his head.

Posted by Laura at 04:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

Hearing that three talented people died.

Posted by Laura at 03:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Me: I got a new app for my iPhone called TweetMic where I can post audio clips on my Twitter.

J: Twitter is really coming of age. I heard Twitter is being used in Iran by the people trying to free themselves of those bastard mullahs who are trying to steal the election. They tweet where the demonstration is going to be and thousands show up. It's a cool tool that is empowering freedom and democracy. What are you going to post on Twitter with your audio clips?

Me: Belches.

J: (silence)

Me: People can rate them, like on a scale from 1 to 5. They can vote for their favorite.

J: (silence)

Me: It will be very democratic.

Posted by Laura at 05:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (19)

I woke up this morning and turned on the news and the first thing I hear is "South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford has been missing for four days!" I'm thinking what the hell? Who's going to tax me to death and leave the state with substandard schools and potholed roads?! But then I remembered that we still had the rest of our state legislature. What a relief! By the time I get to work they broadcast that the governor was hiking the Appalachian Trail, which by the way, does not go through South Carolina. Now, I promised someone close to me that I wouldn't slam the governor because he's a buddy, so I'm just going to point out a few things others said.

This is from Lt. Governor Andre Bauer:

"I cannot take lightly that his staff has not had communication with him for more than four days, and that no one, including his own family, knows his whereabouts."

Andre was pissed because he wanted to be told he was in charge.

And from his wife Jenny who said she didn't know where he was and hadn't heard from him all weekend, including Father's Day (they have four young sons.):

"He was writing something and wanted some space to get away from the kids."

On Father's Day. She'll be told later to release a statement saying she knew, she just wasn't telling.

I'm thinkin' folks are starting early to try to quash his possible 2012 Presidential candidacy.

*UPDATE EDIT

He admits to having an affair. With a WOMAN, Gargs! He wanted to do something "exotic" like screw an Argentinean lady. I didn't realize the Appalachian Trail went through Argentina.

Posted by Laura at 04:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (15)

I had always heard that the most dangerous job in the world is swordfish fishing. I beg to differ. I think milking cats would take that title.

I bought one of these lint brushes-

I'm tired of walking out of the house looking like the "Crazy Cat Lady." Besides, it's too hot to be wearing my cat fur coat this season.

I cook with wine a lot and I use to open a bottle, use maybe half a cup in a recipe, drink the rest of the bottle so that it wouldn't go to waste and then wake up on the kitchen floor when the smoke alarms would go off and viola! Supper would be ready! Wouldn't I have made an excellent Food Network chef? Anyway, in order to get my alcoholism under control I started buying these little four packs of small bottles of wine. They work well for this purpose but I just don't seem to enjoy cooking anymore.

Like oh my God! Me too! But I stopped watching and I'm cured!

Posted by Laura at 11:08 AM | Permalink | Comments (9)